What Matters Most
9.8.2008
Our 2 1/2 year-old son Nicholas has been referred by his daycare to an on-site developmental therapist for an evaluation. The concern? He is willfully inattentive, and at times, noncompliant to direction. My initial response? Fear, of course. Is something wrong with our child? Is this a sign of things to come? My second response? Guilt, of course. Does he watch too much TV? Does he go to bed too late? Is my discipline permissive? And then, sigh, I relax and check in with Spirit, or that which I know to be true. What do I know about our beautiful son Nicholas?
I know he is bright, really bright, more intelligent than his mother, I believe. I know he has an active, curious mind, loves to learn, and is a quick study. I know he is full of energy, and at his best when given room to play at full speed. I know he loves attention, enjoys laughter, and is a ready friend to every child he meets. I know he is full of love, and is kind and gentle to nature’s most vulnerable creatures.
So, our 2 ½ year old son has been referred to a developmental therapist for an evaluation. My third response? I can’t help but smile. I wouldn’t have my Nicholas any other way. The very qualities that get us into trouble are often the very qualities that propel us to greatness. How I love his Spirit, boundless energy and love of life. How I admire his courage and tenacity to test limits and share his voice. Most importantly, how I love his heart, and I am so proud of the big boy that I see him becoming.
And I wonder what might be possible for this extraordinary little boy? What might he become when we believe in his capabilities and honor the best that is within him?
- Honor the best that is within your child even when it does not “fit” perfectly into societal norms and expectations.
- The very things that get us into trouble are often the very things that propel us to greatness.
- Your Spirit will always tell you what matters most.
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Will You Play With me?
8.30.2008
My son Nicholas is two- years- old. Not a day goes by that he does not repeatedly ask, “Momma, will you play with me?" If only you could hear his sweet voice. How I dread the day when he no longer asks this poignant question. Will you play with me? Simple words uttered by a two- year- old speak volumes about his conceptualization of the world and others. He values play. He values connection. He wants to be a part of something bigger than himself. Life is better when shared with another and he fully expects that others want to play with him. Why wouldn’t they? How I love his innocence.
I wish I could tell you, the reader, that each time he asks, I eagerly oblige his request. Sadly, I do not. Tears come to my eyes when I think about the many times I have replied, “In a minute” or “When I’m done.” And yet, in his sweet innocence, he continues to ask.
At what point in our lives do we interpret someone else’s actions to mean something about ourselves? At what point in our lives do we become hurt, take perceived rejection personally, and pull back or withdraw? At what point in our lives do we stop asking and expecting to receive what we want? Momma, will you play with me?
Yes, my sweet Nicholas, I will.
- We are meaning- making machines. We do ourselves a disservice when we make another person’s actions (or lack of) mean something about us.
- Be present and grateful for the simple moments in your life. In the final analysis, these are the moments you will miss, yearn for, and want so much to return to.
- Our children are our greatest teachers.
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